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Ragbag Noodles

You don’t need to pay a fortune for noodles. Why pay over a quid a packet in Tesco etc. The bottom line is, the expensive Batchelors or Maggi noodles are no better than the cheapo 16p noodles. It all depends what you use them with. If you are having a pile of bland, tasteless noodles on a pile on your plate, then good luck. It is the English way to have a pile of carbohydrates, a pile of vegetables and lump of meat all in their own little defined space on the plate. Someone I know, went to Portugal in the Algarve, an area famous for some fantasic seafood dishes. I asked how the food was and the reply was “I don’t know, I played safe and had pizza and fish & chips”. My idea of playing safe today was using basic vegetables, pork & noodles. The only spices were in the marinade.

Have a bash at this: RAGBAG NOODLES
You need 2 boneless pork shoulder chops, cubed, excessive fat removed, marinated in Moroccan spices, a teaspoon of ketjap manis, a load of garlic, some dried crushed chillies and salt & pepper.
A leek.
An onion.
3 carrots sliced thinly.
Half a chinese leaf, sliced.
A bunch of chopped parsley.
Handful of sweetcorn.
That’s about it really.
Oh and 2 bags of noodles, softened for one minute in boiling water. Not 2 minutes as it invariably says on the packet.
A lot of cooking is about timing, temperatures and compatability.

Add a spot of oil to a large wok or pan, chuck the chopped onions in on a medium flame.
A minute later add the meat, make sure it’s well stirred in.
A minute later add the carrots, chopped leek & sweetcorn and some boiling water.
Simmer for 5 minutes, add the chinese leaf and parsley.
The chinese leaf will soften in 2 minutes.
Soften the noodles in boiling water. After a minute sieve them and throw them in the pan with everything else.
Simmer again stirring in the noodles until it’s well mixed.
Finito. You can add cashews, peanuts, pine nuts or capers (not too many ‘cos they can easily influence the taste)

Of course, as a cat I think the whole thing is a pile of pooh, I’ll stick to Felix or Whiskas.

Photos:

Ragbag Noodles

Ragbag Noodles

Steaming meat & vegetables

Steaming meat & vegetables

Noodles added and it looks quite awesome.

Noodles added and it looks quite awesome.

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Dischi volanti con guanciale di maiale

Dischi volanti con guanciale di maiale.
The literal translation is flying saucers with pork cheek, which is dead handy for Brits & Yanks seeing as most English speakers can’t even pronounce oui or non properly without sounding like they’ve got a gob full of feathers.
Okay, we’ve used raw pork cheek and not the cooked cheek (guanciale) which is salty and is used in carbonara.
Pork cheek is great to cook with but it’s becoming more popular so the supermarkets, as is their abject greed, will put the prices up. Guaranteed.
Think about haloumi if you don’t believe me. It doubled in price when it was revealed Britain came only 2nd to Cyprus in haloumi consumption.
These supermarkets, Tesco, ASDA, Morrison, Waitrose (in particular), Sainsbury’s and the Co-op really know what they are doing i.e. ripping their customers off.
Moral: Don’t bloody tell anyone if somethings nice. Tell ’em it’s crap. I mean, this meal, it’s really crap. Crappest meal ever. Just a bag of shit.
Ingredients
4 x pork cheeks diced, fried in oil or butter, seasoned with pepper.
Bag of dischi volanti pasta
Half a tin of sweetcorn (the corn from maize for God’s sake….!)
Handful of frozen garden peas. (tiny green round things)
Seasoning & spices: whole chilli sliced, whole garlic sliced, huge sprig of parsley, 1 oxo cube, teaspoon of ketjap manis, a tiny pinch of mace and some other bits and bobs. Just chuck owt in. Pasata is always good to add to any pasta except Myrtle’s not o’er keen on it.
Never ever, ever, ever, ever use tomato ketchup. It’s got vinegar in.
Vinegar is ace at preserving things, such as undersized onions and gherkins.
Vinegar is also ace at killing things, such as taste and palate. That’s why it’s so popular with chips, it disguises the fatty taste.
Eat with salad or some other greens. Not rocket science.

dischivolanti

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Stockcar Special

A dead easy meal to cook after a hard day doing sod all.
3 pieces of pork tenderloin fried in croma butter, salt & pepper, slightly singed for colour effect.
5 medium potatoes sliced pommes anna, wanged in a Tefal Actifry for 35 minutes with a tablespoon of hemp oil and a couple of shakes of fish sauce.
2 dozen fresh sprouts straight off the stalk, simmered for 15 minutes, then buttered, lightly salted and sprinkled with nutmeg.
5 teaspoons of gravy mix, add some garlic powder, pepper or chicken stock powder ‘cos all gravy mixes taste crap.

spruitjes

I had to bloody wait for my crappy Felix Salmon.
Knobsack went off to the stockcars and we didn’t eat until gone 7pm. This morning’s Felix beef was shite but if I bug Astrid enough she reinforces it with some titbits. I don’t exactly know what they are but anything is better than Felix beef. I think they are Felix Goodybag Seaside Mix or were they Country Mix?
Every time I have beef he says “by ‘eck, that stinks” and he’s right. It stinks just like when that bloke from Yorkshire Water had that drain cover up ‘cos their bog wouldn’t flush properly. And that smelled suspiciously like shit to me. He said “I’ll shut the door incase the cat goes down the drain” eh?? What a knob. Who the hell wants to go down a hole full of shit?

Anyway, enjoy yer dinner.