What do you need?
Last night’s rice.
Any old meat bits or prawns.
A lump of trassi, crumbled.
Some shavings of laos.
A leek, cut really finely.
A teaspoon of sambal or half a chilli chopped finely.
How do you do it?
Fry it all in a tablespoon of oil in the wok.
Add the two eggs at the end either beaten or straight from the shell.
If you can’t cook this, go back to your Mum, tell her to take you back to God.
If she asks what she should tell God, just tell her to tell him you’re too bloody stupid to be on earth.