Ragbag Noodles

You don’t need to pay a fortune for noodles. Why pay over a quid a packet in Tesco etc. The bottom line is, the expensive Batchelors or Maggi noodles are no better than the cheapo 16p noodles. It all depends what you use them with. If you are having a pile of bland, tasteless noodles on a pile on your plate, then good luck. It is the English way to have a pile of carbohydrates, a pile of vegetables and lump of meat all in their own little defined space on the plate. Someone I know, went to Portugal in the Algarve, an area famous for some fantasic seafood dishes. I asked how the food was and the reply was “I don’t know, I played safe and had pizza and fish & chips”. My idea of playing safe today was using basic vegetables, pork & noodles. The only spices were in the marinade.

Have a bash at this: RAGBAG NOODLES
You need 2 boneless pork shoulder chops, cubed, excessive fat removed, marinated in Moroccan spices, a teaspoon of ketjap manis, a load of garlic, some dried crushed chillies and salt & pepper.
A leek.
An onion.
3 carrots sliced thinly.
Half a chinese leaf, sliced.
A bunch of chopped parsley.
Handful of sweetcorn.
That’s about it really.
Oh and 2 bags of noodles, softened for one minute in boiling water. Not 2 minutes as it invariably says on the packet.
A lot of cooking is about timing, temperatures and compatability.

Add a spot of oil to a large wok or pan, chuck the chopped onions in on a medium flame.
A minute later add the meat, make sure it’s well stirred in.
A minute later add the carrots, chopped leek & sweetcorn and some boiling water.
Simmer for 5 minutes, add the chinese leaf and parsley.
The chinese leaf will soften in 2 minutes.
Soften the noodles in boiling water. After a minute sieve them and throw them in the pan with everything else.
Simmer again stirring in the noodles until it’s well mixed.
Finito. You can add cashews, peanuts, pine nuts or capers (not too many ‘cos they can easily influence the taste)

Of course, as a cat I think the whole thing is a pile of pooh, I’ll stick to Felix or Whiskas.


Ragbag Noodles

Ragbag Noodles

Steaming meat & vegetables

Steaming meat & vegetables

Noodles added and it looks quite awesome.

Noodles added and it looks quite awesome.


Dieter’s Dream

It is not necessary to tell you how much of anything to put in really is it?
Just use as much as what you like as possible and leave out anything you don’t like, replace it with something else, common sense prevails.
Never overcook anything, never burn anything and never undercook pork, chicken, mussels or prawns. Cooking is not rocket science.
Never over salt anything, if you do, bin it, it cannot be recovered, therefore taste your food regularly during cooking. Never taste pork, chicken, mussels or prawn dishes until the meat/fish is cooked unless you want to get food poisoning, collapse and die. This is not a good idea because it causes all sorts of problems, like sorting out funeral arrangements, sending bereavement cards out, inheriting loads of ornaments and crap out that you don’t really want and binning them with sentimental pangs, not to mention all the emotional baggage and financial stuff that goes along with it.

Raw chicken breast cubed
Button mushrooms halved
An onion sliced
White cabbage thinly sliced
Bamboo shoots
Water chestnuts
Chilli chopped fine
Garlic chopped fine
Chinese leaf sliced
Fish Sauce, tablespoon of.
Peanuts, handful.
Cumin, one teaspoon (optional).

Pop the mushrooms into a non stick wok and cook without oil or water for 20 minutes.
Add a teaspoon of olive oil. Add the onions, stirfry for a couple of minutes on high, add the white cabbage, bamboo shoots & water chestnuts, chilli & garlic & peanuts. (+ cumin of desired) Stirfry a couple of minutes, add the chicken and half a cup of boiled water witrh the fish sauce. Cook for 5 minutes, add chinese leaf, cook stir for another 5 minutes.

Extra taste can be added with Marmite or Oxo or Polish All purpose dried chicken stock powder.




Lazy Git Recipe 2: Bangers

This is the second in the Lazy Git series.

Basmati boil in the bag rice, boiled for 16 minutes
Whole chinese leaf chopped fine served raw (from Tesco)
12 Lidl Dulano less fat mini Nürnwurst
Add any sambal, ketjap or soy sauce to the rice.
Add a *blob of Lidl mayonaise

*technical term you needn’t worry yourselves about.

I’ve had saithe & salmon from Felix.
I had no idea what saithe was until I looked it up on Google.
It’s pollock.
I presume the political correctness tossers think it sounds too close to BOLLOCK & are doing our thinking for us eh?
That’s nice



Drumsticks, Rice & Cabbage

Okay, back to basics tonight.
Chicken drumsticks, Japanese sushi rice and Chinese leaf (Chinese cabbage).

The chicken
Season 4 drumsticks with salt & pepper.
Heat a couple of tablespoons of croma margeraine in a wok or big frying pan.
Chuck the chicken drumsticks in along with half a chilli (whole). Cook for 30 minutes on medium heat.

The rice
Stick 3 cups of sushi rice and half a litre of water in a rice cooker.
Switch on 10 minutes after chicken has been on, it takes about 20 minutes.

In the meantime
Slice up all the leaves from the whole of the chinese leaf.
It looks a lot but the crinkly leaves go down to nothing. In anycase, it’s good for you.

When the rice cooker goes “click”, turn it off.
The chicken is ready also, so drain all the oil, leaving a salty, peppery, chilli residue.
Remember what I said about the oil! Not down the sink. Use paper kitchen roll and chuck it in the bin.

Chuck the chinese leaves in the wok/pan for 3 or 4 minutes. Cook on medium heat.
The cabbage will produce it’s own moisture and leave a nice chilli flavoured sauce.
Serve, add sambal, ketjap manis, dried shredded fish or whatever you can find to garnish it with.

If feeding kids, keep telling them it’s chinese leaf. Don’t even mention the word “cabbage”.

Cats and chilli don’t harmonise easily, so you’re on your own with this one dude!

Hey, and have a butchers at this, Tesco today, 2 free range chicken breasts for £9.90 reduced to £8.41.  Whaaaaaat??
Methinks they are taking the piss. Sell by date….today as well! It says it all really.


Whoever is stupid enough to pay that, has been well and truly mugged.
Lets look at it with a bit of common sense here.
By shopping locally, we can get a whole 6lb free range chicken for £7.50 plus all those juicy giblets in a bag.
It will be a day old at most and produced within 25 miles of the shop.

Moral: for fresh meat & vegetable, shop local, stuff the supermarkets.

~~~~~~~ Mandarijn ~~~~~~~